Date #38: Sing Out, Louise!

I love my friends.

Let me just put that out there right now. I have some of the best friends on the planet.

That being said, my friends can be idiots at times.

And by "at times," I mean "a lot of the time."

I think the reason I'm drawn to them is that when you're as a big a goof as I am, having friends who screw up just as much if not more is somewhat comforting.

This all goes back to my previous entry, and the topic of Nick.

BRIAN: So basically everyone's going to think I'm a racist.

I still haven't divulged the blog to Brian yet, but over a recent NC lunch, I told him that I'd discussed he and Turner's reaction to Nick with some people, and they found it--well, racist.

BRIAN: I don't care what you say--a lot of gay guys feel the same way I do, even if they won't admit it.
ME: Okay, okay--we've gone over this.
BRIAN: And a lot of them may say I'm a jerk, but how many of them have actually dated black guys.
ME: Well it's not like there's a plethora of black gay men out there, Bri.
BRIAN: You don't know that for sure.
ME: Sorry, I'll grab the statistic sheet before I leave the house next time.

Of course, if this entry were just about Brian having a problem with me dating Nick, it would identical to the last entry.

But it isn't.

You see, my blog-friends, this entry is about a little something I like to call: A 180.

And like all 180's, it happened--

At karaoke.

Confession time: I go to karaoke nights too much.

Sometimes twice to three times a week.

Don't ask me why. It's part me being a ham, and part knowing that I'll be guarenteed a laugh.

It's semi-club scene without the pressure, and yet the opportunity to meet people who are as dorky as you are because they're at karaoke night.

For me, it's just a good time.

When I revealed this to Nick, he asked if he could come with me the next time I went. I said sure, even though I knew that Turner and Brian would be there, and that there might be some sort of confrontation.

NICK: You afraid I'm going to mug them?
ME: Either that or spit some jive at them.
NICK: You are aware that just because we've made out, you don't get to make black jokes yet.
ME: Oh yeah? When does that happen?
NICK: After the bondage and sodomizing.
ME: Strictly Polish jokes it is then.

Relax, I'm 1/4 Polish.

Nick and I got to karaoke just as Brian and some Drink were singing "Ain't Nothin' Like the Real Thing."

NICK: Apparently he doesn't have a problem doing Marvin Gaye.
ME: Hey, you wanted to come here.

I brought him over to the table where Turner, Zach the Closet Case, and Brian were sitting. I gave everyone a hug and then took a seat. Nick sat right next to me.

ME: So Brian, who was the Drink you were singing with?

(Drink = Drugged Up Twink.)

BRIAN: I don't know his name, but I did get his number.
ME: Gicchi gicchi ya ya da da.
BRIAN: Indeed.

Turner had thrown back a few drinks and so was giddier than usual.

TURNER: Nick, you plan on singing?
NICK: Oh no, I don't sing.
TURNER: Really? You look like you'd be a good singer.
NICK: You think? Tell me, do I remind you more of Al Green or Al Jarreau?
ZACH: Who's Al Jarreau?

I think I started to sweat a little. Confrontations tend to make me nervous unless I'm involved in them.

Don't ask me, it's a child-of-divorce thing.

TURNER: I didn't mean anything by it.
ME: Nick, I don't think he--
NICK: I was just giving you a hard time, Turner.
TURNER: Oh...
NICK: You can take it, right?
TURNER: Sure, of course.

A silence descended on the table. It was like a WASP Thanksgiving after it's just been revealed that Dad boinks the pool boy while Mom's at the P.T.A. We all wanted to say something but nobody could think of anything.

Brian broke the silence as only he knows how.

BRIAN: So Nick, do you think I'm racist because I don't date black guys?

Oh Christ...

NICK: Yes, Brian, I do.
BRIAN: I think you're wrong.
NICK: Sadly, you don't get to determine if you're a racist or not.

No, we leave that job to Oprah.

NICK: I don't have any kind of dislike for black people; I just wouldn't date any.
BRIAN: But it's okay if we go to the same bars as you.
NICK: Don't even go there.
TURNER: Guys, this might be a little too serious for karaoke night.
ZACH: I agree.
ME: Me, too. Smokum peace pipe or something.
BRIAN: Now you're going to say Kevin is prejudiced against Native Americans, huh?

For the love of God, somebody sing Pat Benetar.

NICK: You know what's funny? I bet if you could just get past the stereotypes in your head, you'd be all about dating black guys.
BRIAN: Excuse me?
NICK: You heard me.
BRIAN: So you're saying if I just went on Dr. Phil and got yelled at for being a descendant of slave owners I'd be banging black guys from here to Seattle?
NICK: That's right, Tightie Whitie.

This entire time Turner had his hand on my knee and was squeezing it to indicate that I should do something to stop this little altercation.

ME: You know what? Somebody has to sing sooner or later, so it might as well be me.

Here comes the 180.

NICK: That's okay. Brian and I are going to sing.

I think my head just about swiveled off.

ME: Excuse me?
NICK: I think it's time for a little Ebony/Ivory action.
BRIAN: Thanks, Stevie, but I already sang.
NICK: So you'll sing again. I'll go put the slip in.

As Nick got up, I followed him, leaving my two friends and Zach to look on--clearly perplexed.

ME: Nick, what are you doing?
NICK: I don't mean to sound cocky, but I'm about to make that boy drool.
ME: Are you saying you're going to seduce him?
NICK: You got it.
ME: In front of me?
NICK: Kevin, I'm not going to do anything with him. I just want to screw with his head a little.
ME: And you think I'm not going to have a problem with that?
NICK: Something tells me you're going to enjoy it.
ME: Wow, I'm getting way too easy to read.

In a few minutes, Brian and Nick were called up to the mic.

I knew Brian was in trouble the minute the song started.

I'm driving in my car...

Granted, the first time two men had sang "Fire" it was at the Men Strike Back Concert on VH1--the successful but never repeated counterpart to Divas Live--and it was done by Enrique Iglesias and Tom Jones.

But Enrique and Tommy never did it like this.

I'm not sure you'd even call it a duet since Brian spent the majority of the song sitting in a chair while Nick stood behind him and put his hands everywhere but the kitchen sink.

Don't get me wrong, he sputtered out a few lines here and there, but Nick owned the song.

To make things even better, Nick has one of the best voices I've ever heard at a karaoke night. I think half the room wanted to do him by the time he got to--

Your words say quit
But your words they lie
Cause when we kiss
Oooohhhh...

Fire

Turner had resumed grabbing my knee, but this time I think it was to stop himself from rushing the stage. Even Zach's mouth had dropped and showed no signs of coming back up.

Meanwhile, Brian was onstage clearly trying not to jump out of the chair and hump my date right there and then.

When the song had finished, Nick practically got a standing ovation. He gave Brian a hug and then the two of them came back to the table.

Brian was clearly flustered. Nick just grabbed his coat and put his arm around my shoulders.

NICK: I'm kind of tired. Do you think we could beat it early?
TURNER: Beat it--what? What did you--
ME: Sure, let's go.

There were protestations all around. Clearly my friends were hoping for some kind of group make-out session at that point, but Nick and I just made a tasteful exit.

ME: That was incredible.
NICK: No gay man can resist a good ditty.
ME: I don't think I've ever heard a black guy say 'ditty' before.
NICK: Remember what I said about the black jokes.
ME: Okay, well the night's still young. How long will the bondage take?
NICK: Hmm...Maybe I can get you into the midnight slot.

We actually only ended up making out in his dorm room and then falling asleep--not wearing much, but still, just falling asleep.

FRIEND: That's hot.
ME: So you've changed your mind about the black guys?
FRIEND: Honey, you can't just change people's opinions in the blink of an eye like that.
ME: See, that's the thing about guys that I think Nick understands.
FRIEND: What would that be?
ME: That if you can make them want to do you, you can pretty much abolish any other problem they might have with you.
FRIEND: No, there's a whole psycho babble interrelated hoo hah I read in an article somewhere that suggests it's just suppressed blah blah blah.
ME: Well, the point is, at least they've sort of changed their minds. I talked to them the other day and they raved about how hot Nick is.
FRIEND: So you're now the guy dating the guy everyone wants.
ME: You got it.
FRIEND: Terrific--fuck off.

God, now I know how Idina Menzel must feel.