Date #37: No Big Deal

I've noticed a disturbing trend among gay men.

Well, first, let me get to the date.

It was with this kid named Nick who goes to Brown--engineering major a.ka. too smart for me, but oh well, what the hell.

We went out to dinner, saw a movie, and pretty much had a grand old time. We talked about his upbringing--yes, some people still say upbringing.

Nick was raised in Georgia and just moved to Rhode Island for school two years ago. Obviously the shy type, it's clear he's just starting to come out of his shell. It took three really lame jokes of mine just to get him to crack a smile, but after that he was fine.

When I had walked him back to his dorm, I gave him a big hug and we planned on another date soon.

Good times right? That's what I thought.

Oh, by the way, he's black.

BRIAN: He's what?
ME: He's black.
BRIAN: You mean African-American?
ME: Are they making black Polish-Americans now?
BRIAN: Kevin!
ME: What? Clearly I'm not racist. I'm going on another date with the guy.
BRIAN: You are?
ME: Of course I am. The first date went great.

I saw Brian look down at his lovely plate of lettuce and three carrot sticks--he was suddenly very weight conscious. I think it must be the result of a failed date he went on with a snotty nineteen-year-old from Abercrombie and Fitch. The date ended with Brian being told he wasn't "pulling off" the shirt he was wearing. Ever since he then he seemed to be laying off the carbs.

At the mention of a second date, Brian noticeably stopped making eye contact.

ME: So yeah, I'm really looking forward to a second date with him.
BRIAN: Oh...That's...okay.
ME: Don't tell me you have a problem with me going on a date with a black guy?
BRIAN: No, I'm just--nothing.
ME: Brian, we're at Nordstrom's Cafe. It's not like we're going to offend all the black people dining here today.
BRIAN: It's just that--I've never actually been attracted to black guys.
ME: Oh my God. You're one of those guys?
BRIAN: What are you talking about? What guys?
ME: The gay guys who say 'Oh, I'm not really into black guys.'
BRIAN: Well, I'm not.
ME: Now that is racist.
BRIAN: How is that racist? It's a preference. It's like not liking guys with too much body hair.
ME: You can shave body hair.

I was pretty sure we were about to break into Avenue Q.

BRIAN: I think I'm entitled to like who I want to like.
ME: You are. I'm just surprised that the people you can be compatible with have restrictions on them based on the color of their skin.
BRIAN: I'm sorry, Dr. King. Call me shallow, but I can't help it. I've just never been attracted to black guys before and I'm surprised that you are.
ME: Well, maybe you should give me a little more credit than yourself.

Oooohhhh snap.

We finished our lunch with the subject at rest--clearly it was a little too hot-button and Brian were still on thin ice from the dinner party.

That night, Turner had invited me to go with him and his closet case boyfriend to a show at a local bar where the boyfriend's band was playing. Turner had been instructed that he and I should sit in the back so that we wouldn't draw too much attention. I thought it was pretty insulted to be asked to do that, but Turner didn't want to make waves with the boy, so in the back we went.

I asked Turner if it would be okay for me to invite Nick to stop by and he said sure, but when Nick walked in around song number three, I saw Turner get the same expression on his face that Brian did.

Even so, Turner was perfectly polite. He, Nick, and I conversed about as much as you could expect to with the music blaring around us. Apparently Zachary--the closet case's--band was into the 'just scream your consanants' kind of music. When they had finished their set, Zachary casually made his way to the back of the bar.

NICK: Why is he sneaking over here like that?
ME: He heard we all have cooties.
TURNER: Kevin, stop.

Zachary was a little on-edge--same as when I met him--but he thought the set went well, so his mood was elevated. When Nick excused himself to go to the bathroom, I decided to see what the two boys thought of my scandalous choice of dates.

TURNER: Oh, is he black? I hadn't even noticed.
ME: Oh, come on.

I relayed the story of my lunch with Brian.

ZACHARY: I kind of agree with him. I can't see myself being into black guys.
TURNER: I could, I guess, but you can't blame someone for having a prefence.
ME: Now, is that a preference, like a height preference, or a preference like a 'they should have their own schools' preference?
ZACHARY: Whoa, kind of harsh, no?
ME: No, I don't think so.
TURNER: Kevin, don't get so dramatic.
ME: Sorry, I'm sitting in the back of a bar because my friend's boyfriend is ashamed to admit he's dating him. It's a little difficult discriminating when you're already being discriminated against.
ZACHARY: That's way out of line.
TURNER: Actually, that's not too out of line, Zachary.
ZARACHY: Whatever, you're the one who wanted to come.

With this, he walked away.

TURNER: Can't anything with you just be easy?
ME: I'm sorry, but this whole 'not into black guys' thing really disturbs me.
TURNER: Why?
ME: Because minorities shouldn't make it even harder for other minorities. Because I know deep down it has nothing to do with physical attraction and more to do with concealed racism. Because gay people are supposed to be too smart for ignorance like that.
TURNER: I can't comment on how smart gay people should be. I just sat through a half and hour of bad hard rock just so I could get some cuddle time in later with the drummer. I'm like a new-age groupie.

I gave Turner a hug. Anyone who sees themselves as new-age groupie needs one.

I drove Nick back to his dorm room, and before he got out of the car, he asked to have a quick talk.

NICK: Are your friends giving you a hard time about this?
ME: My friends give me a hard time about everything. This is no different.
NICK: Don't sweat it. It's not that uncommon.
ME: But it should be uncommon. This is 2006. We have TiVo now. The world should be perfect.

Nick laughed.

NICK: In the meantime, make life easy for yourself.
ME: How should I do that?
NICK: Let people have their imperfections.

With that, he kissed me and got out of the car.

I drove home and watched Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Just because it seemed appropriate. Why can't the world have more Katherine Hepuburns in it, I thought.

ME: Would you ever date a black--
FRIEND: No.
ME: There has got to be some black guy you would--
FRIEND: No.
ME: Taye Diggs?
FRIEND: No.
ME: Tyrese?
FRIEND: No.
ME: Morgan Freeman?
FRIEND: Haha...no.

I'd love to say I went to sleep and had a dream about white gays and black gays living in harmony, but in reality I dreamt Sidney Poitier and I were on a rollercoaster together.

Go figure.