Date #30: Dance Off

Working in a library has its perks.

I get to meet a lot of interesting people. Readers, teachers, old men going on myspace to check out some Russian mail-order brides.

It's rarely as boring as you might think.

One of the programs we offer at the library is dance instruction for children. We started it earlier in the year, and it's become a big hit. Basically it's aerobics for the toddler set, but it's also one of the funniest things imaginable.

The instructor for the program is this lady named Carol who recently gave birth to twins. I guess I just thought we would hold off on having the program until she was off maternity leave, but when I came into work the other day I heard music coming from downstairs.

I asked my supervisor what was going on and she told me that Carol had found a replacement to take over the class while she was gone. This made me happy, as I love seeing little kids bust a move and end up falling on the mat--it makes my afternoon.

When I went downstairs, the first thing I noticed was that "The Best of My Love" by the Emotions was playing. Intriguing choice for a little kid dance dance revolution. The second thing I noticed was the new instructor--Paye.

That's right, Paye. (Like Pie-ay.)

He was having the kids move around the room in a circle and every once in awhile he'd encourage one of them to jump in the middle and do their own thing. I think I share one quality with most of my girlfriends--I love seeing a guy who's good with kids. Call me crazy, but I actually want to have a few some day.

Towards the end of the song, Paye got in the middle and did the robot, followed by the swim, and ended with something that was obviously a failed attempt at the worm. I was a tad smitten, not gonna lie.

When the program was over, I clapped along with some of the mothers that were there, and then went into the staff room to have some coffee. A few minutes later Paye came in and introduced himself, asking what I thought of his instruction.

ME: I think your worm could use some work.
PAYE: Don't I know it.

We got around to talking, and he mentioned that he's one of Carol's students, and she asked him to take over at the library until she was ready to come back.

ME: You must be really good if she asked you to take over. She loves teaching this class.
PAYE: Well, I'm really good with kids. She might have taken that into consideration.
ME: That and your penchant for The Emotions.
PAYE: What can I say? I love the 70's.

I mentioned that I'm pretty much hopeless on the dance floor. In addition to no sense of interior design and bad fashion choices, I was also not blessed with a typical gay's rhythmic abilities.

PAYE: I bet you got some moves in you. I'm actually not bad myself; I just like to goof around when I'm working with kids. Why don't you come by the dance studio sometime and I can teach you a few steps?

Uh...Step Up anyone? How hot is that little offer he just made?

ME: You sure you want to make that attempt? I'm no Jennifer Beals.
PAYE: That's okay. I was hoping more for a Jennifer Grey.

Wrap him up, ladies and gentlemen.

ME: Okay, I'm in.
PAYE: Terrific. It's a date.

He told me about a class he would be having the next night and invited me to go. Of course, I needed to bring along reinforcements.

Turner showed up at the studio looking like he was ready to samba. He had on dance pants, a black muscle shirt, and dance shoes. I, in comparison, had on jeans, a too-tight t-shirt, and sneakers.

TURNER: You ready to shake your groove thing?

How many more dance cliches can I stuff into this entry?

ME: Let's boogie.

The class was for beginner's--or so I thought. It was a basic hip-hop meets upper class type of thing. (Think Take the Lead.)

When Paye saw me, he smiled and came over to say hi to me and Turner. I saw him do the "Don't tell me this is your boyfriend" look, so I countered with the "We just eat B&J's and watch Grey's Anatomy together" look.

Paye partnered us off with two girls since we were going to be working on some kind of a dance duet piece. Turner's was a frisky Latina girl named Lisa and mine was a fairly pregnant girl named Patti who just happened to be Carol's little sister. (Good luck to that family come Christmas time.)

Patti explained that she wanted to stay in shape while pregnant so that it would be easier for her to lose the baby weight once she had her child. She seemed nice enough, and I figured that it wouldn't be hard to keep up with a pregnant woman.

And then the music started...

PAYE: We're going to go with a little Earth, Wind and Fire to start with--and a few pop and locks. Remember to keep your torso tight--Monica do your best.

PATTI: Whatever Passe.

PAYE: Never gets old. Five, six, seven, eight--

Let's groove tonight...Share the spice of life...

Patti was a dancing baby bearing machine. She popped, she locked, she bumped me with her stomach more than once. A couple of times she turned her back to me and tried a little ass bump, grind grind, hands in the air combo that had me wondering if she got pregnant by summoning a fertility god through dance.

Gonna tell you...what you can do with my love...

I looked over at Turner to find that he was having a grand old time with Latin Lisa. She would grab his hands and wrap them around her waist, and he would respond by spanking her like a naughty schoolgirl. There was even hair tossing. It was incredible.

I kept looking to make sure Paye wasn't taking in too much of all this, but it was clear he was. He kept laughing at our antics and then calling out instructions.

PAYE: I like those moves, Turner. I might steal a few.

Turner laughed and then did a move he calls the Republican. It basically involves shaking your finger at everyone and then grinding up on a boy five seconds later. The boy being me.

While he was on my leg I said--

ME: This class is very unstructured.
TURNER: I like it. It's the best workout I've gotten in awhile and Lisa keeps calling me Don Juan.
ME: You asked her to call you that, didn't you?
TURNER: It still counts, Broco.

At this point the song changed, and Paye called out--

PAYE: Kool and the Gang!

The class went nuts. Apparently this is the class favorite.

How you going to do it if you really don't wanna dance?

PAYE: Everybody in a line! Everybody in a line!

Oh Christ...

PAYE: To the music--Walk, walk, walk, walk.

Imagine Soul Train, but much whiter.

Turner and Latin Lisa were the first ones to go. They did spins, ninja kicks, the Egyptian, it was insanity. By the time Pregnant Patti and I went she was out of breath and the only moves I could pull out were the handicapped robot and the cheeky Czechoslovakian. We looked like Patti Simcox and Lorenzo Lamas in Grease.

By that time, the class was over and I was completely out of it. Turner came over to give me a pat on the back.

TURNER: You did really well.
ME: Oh yeah. I'm sure I was the picture of sexual attraction.
TURNER: Hey, I have a question.
ME: No, I wasn't aware that joint could bend like that.
TURNER: That's not what I was going to ask. I wanted to know why you asked me to come to this with you instead of Brian?
ME: Are you kidding? Brian wouldn't be caught dead in a dance class. Besides, he had a date tonight.
TURNER: Chef? Peter?
ME: Some new guy.

Before we could continue the conversation, Paye asked if I could hang back for a minute. Turner had to get going anyway, so we said our good-byes and then I changed into my street clothes. When I came back Paye had changed as well, and had different music playing.

Tramps like us, baby we were born to run...

ME: Bruce Springsteen?
PAYE: Not a fan?
ME: You can't do hip hop to Bruce Springsteen.
PAYE: I thought we'd try something a little more traditional.
ME: Who's going to lead?
PAYE: After what I've seen tonight, I'm not sure I can responsibly let you lead.
ME: Very funny.

He took my hand and we did a kind of fast waltz around the floor. I kept laughing--something about two gay men doing a waltz to "Born to Run" was just too cute and odd at the same time.

When we stopped, Paye gave me an amazingly soft kiss.

FRIEND: "Born to Run"? Honey, I hear Bruce Springsteen and my erection goes for a run.
ME: It was great. I love dancing like that. I feel like I'm a prince in the 18th century.
FRIEND: Except they would have burned you at the stake.
ME: Yeah, true.
FRIEND: Personally I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump 'n grind.
ME: This was just very...elegant.
FRIEND: Hey, I could be on Dancing with the Queers too if I wanted to be.
ME: Are you saying you know how to rumba?
FRIEND: Oh honey...I thought you'd never ask.

When I got back to my apartment, Brian was waiting on my front steps. He looked so distraught so I instantly assumed something had happened with one of the boys.

BRIAN: It's not that.
ME: Then what's wrong?
BRIAN: The guy I went out with tonight. I think I'm in love with him.
ME: After the first date?
BRIAN: It's actually the eighth date.
ME: Then why havne't you told me about him?
BRIAN: Cause I thought you'd be upset.
ME: I am upset. You're my best friend. If you care this much about someone--
BRIAN: Kevin, it's Connor. I've been seeing Connor. I'm in love with Connor.

Oh...

Wow.