Date #22: Drive Around

I've never claimed to be perfect.

There are certain...quirks...I have.

For example, swing sets bother me. Don't ask me why, they just do.

Anything that lacks control makes me totally uncomfortable. Things blowing in the wind that might never stop and if they do, you won't know when. Heights--the possibility of falling. Anytime they let 50 Cent speak in public. These things just unnerve me.

But something that instantly makes me uncomfortable is the idea of "driving around."

It's a popular form of casual dating. Getting in a car with someone and just going for a drive. Some people absolutely love it. I've heard friends tell me before--

"Oh my God, we drove around for like, an hour, and just talked. It was amazing."

The very idea makes my skin break out in a rash.

I don't know why, but driving around with no intended destination and no deadline at which the driving will stop just doesn't sit well with me.

Luckily, with the rise in gas prices, driving around seemed like it was becoming a thing of the past. Now when people are driving they're going somewhere. They have a beginning and end point. They have an e.t.a. They have control.

Or so I thought...

I was scheduled to go on a date with a returning JWU student. Neither one of us was up for eating or the movies, so we went directly to the default "cheap date"--just hanging out.

Unfortunately, my roommate was going to have some friends over the apartment, so just hanging out at my place wasn't going to be an option. On the flip side, JWU kids are usually packed into their dorm rooms like food on an all-you-can-eat plate, so there wasn't much hope of having peace and quiet to talk there.

That was when my date--Aaron--suggested just "driving around."

Not being one to hide from my insanity, I let Aaron know about my drive-around-aphobia. He seemed pretty understanding.

AARON: So, as long as we're going somewhere in particular, you won't freak out.
ME: Right.
AARON: Okay, how does sitting on the Narragansett Beach Wall sound?
ME: Perfect.

What a nice guy.

So we headed to Narragansett in Aaron's car. We were having a nice little chat, and everything was going fine, when I noticed we weren't going in the right direction.

ME: Actually, I think you want 95 South.
AARON: Oh, I know. I'm just going a different way.
ME: A different way?
AARON: Yeah. I mean, it doesn't matter as long as we have a set destination right?
ME: Uh...right.

Oh God, he had found a loophole. The only problem was my psyche wasn't going to go for it. It wasn't just a matter of having a destination, it was a matter of getting to that destination as quickly as possible otherwise the anxiety kicks in anyway.

Of course that would sound even crazier than the intial explanation, so I decided to just grin and bear it--hoping that Aaron's "different way" wouldn't involve crossing over through two states.

AARON: So what do you do for fun?

I tried carrying on a conversation, but my mouth was dry. My right hand was clamped onto the door handle like I was trying to keep it from being pulled off from the outside. My eyes can't trying to focus on something inside the car and pretend we weren't moving. Just making coherent statements was becoming a chore.

ME: I like ducks and patty.
AARON: Patty?
ME: Yeah, good fun.
AARON: Who's Patty?
ME: Like from Doug, I like cartoons.
AARON: You mean Patty Mayonnaise?
ME: How far away are we?
AARON: I loved that show!
ME: That's terrific. I might throw up.

Eventually we made it to the beach, but by that time I was exhausted from all the worrying. We only stayed for about half an hour and then I asked to go home. I think Aaron could tell I was upset at his little detour.

AARON: I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to be a jerk.
ME: It's fine. Really.
AARON: Maybe you should go on medication.

Easy for him to say. Do they actually make a medication for people who are afraid of long rides through the country? Most people prefer them.

After he dropped me off, I felt really bad and called to apologize to him. Nevertheless, I think the damage was done.

ME: Sometimes I think love is appreciating the qualities in someone that nobody else can.
FRIEND: You mean like my alcoholism?
ME: Well in that case I wouldn't exactly use the word 'appreciate.'
FRIEND: So you don't think this guy Aaron would be able to appreciate your scizophrenia?
ME: Probably not. Not many can.
FRIEND: I bet Charlie could.
ME: I bet Connor could, too.
FRIEND: I don't know about that. He's rich. Rich people tend to tolerate less.
ME: Is there a reason you're leaning towards Charlie?
FRIEND: Yes, because you're either leaning towards Connor or wasting your time with guys like Adam.
ME: You mean Aaron?
FRIEND: Honey, I can't even keep the names of my own tricks straight. How am I supposed to remember yours?

I did a little poll. I called Charlie and Connor, explained the "drive around" thing to them--leaving out the date part of course--and asked them what they thought:

CONNOR: I'm sure if you kept doing it you'd get used to it.
CHARLIE: Well, if you don't like doing it, you shouldn't.

I can't tell which answer was better. Both were right in some way, and Connor's seemed insensitive yet healthy, whereas Charlie's seemed kinder yet familiar to something an enabler might say.

And that's not even taking into account what the voices in my head say...

By the way, I've got another dinner party coming up soon.

That should do wonders for my mental health.