Date #14: The 24-Hr Hook-up

This date takes place between the hours of 7:45pm on Saturday and 2:00am early Monday morning...Beep...Beep...Beep...

So it was supposed to be simple:

1) Have sex with a guy.

See, only one item on the list, not difficult.

Unless you're me.

I was house-sitting for my parents this weekend (they've been vacationing more than the Kennedys lately) and I figured this was the perfect time to have my meaningless fling.

I called one of my Missers--not Misters, Missers--a guy who I kept meaning to hang out with a bunch of times, kept missing due to scheduling conflicts or phone tag, and then finally just stopped calling. Missers are great back-ups for situations like these.

I put on a t-shirt that could have fit a newborn and jeans so tight I looked like a really gay Batman villain.

It's...THE SPARKLER!

After some hair gel, cologne, and everything short of a mating dance and a Barry White album playing in the background, I was ready to go.

Charlie showed up at 7:45pm. I had him come in while I finished prepping. (I saw on Oprah once that a good way to put someone at ease is to finish getting ready before you actually depart on the date. Although, I don't know why I was bothering since this wasn't supposed to be much of a date.)

We went to a restaurant on Thayer street and had a great conversation. He was actually a really great guy. I was wondering why he had been a Misser for so long. He was very sardonic, cute, and had a dry sense of humor mixed with a sense of guardedness that made him seem like he was hesistant to let you in, but slowly doing so anyway. It was an interesting combo.

I felt, at that point, that it was only fair to give full disclosure.

ME: Listen Charlie, I really think you're a great guy, but I'm really looking for something specific here.
CHARLIE: Oh really? What's that?
ME: Sex.
CHARLIE: I'm sorry?
ME: Kind of a fling.
CHARLIE: So should I ask for the check now?

We finished dinner and went back to my house.

...................................................................................

And that's all you're getting.

But in anticipation of all your questions, I can only say--

Yeah, yeah, and yup yup.

We woke up and Charlie asked me if he could take me out to breakfast. Now, at this point I'm pretty sure he was just supposed to do up his cufflinks, kiss me on the forehead, tell me it's been great, than throw his trench coat over his shoulder and slam the motel door behind him.

(Can you tell I'm a noir fan?)

ME: Sure, breakfast would be great.

We went to this little diner where we talked some more...

...And then we went to Barnes and Noble. He read magazines while I read the latest Neil Labute play...

...Then he came back to my parent's house with me to walk the dog...

...And then we went food shopping at the supermarket...

...Then went back to his house where he made me dinner...

...And then we hung out and watched television...

It is now well past 7:45pm on Sunday night. My friends are texting like crazy.

- Where are you?
- Are you still on that date?
- How was the sex?
- Are you dead?
- How long does it take to have sex?
- Are you okay?
- Should I call the cops?
- You realize you're going on 24 hours right?
- You better not write about the sex using nothing but a series of dots.

We ended up hanging out until around 2am when he brought me home. I closed the door to my apartment behind me and thought--

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I just spent over 24 hours with the same guy and enjoyed every single minute of it. Granted at around Hour 20 the back of my psyche started to go--

WARNING! WARNING! EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT INCOMING!

But I kind of think he liked me too...

FRIEND: What about 'just have sex' wasn't clear to you?
ME: It's not like 'that' didn't happen.
FRIEND: Yeah, but 'that' was like a tenth of the date.
ME: Well, what was I supposed to do?
FRIEND: You're supposed to trip his light fantastic and then the let screen door bang him just like you did.
ME: Super classy as usual.
FRIEND: Scooter was right. You went looking for sex and found something substantial.
ME: Don't ever say that again.
FRIEND: What?
ME: Scooter was right.

Of course, nothing could go that easy right?

I woke up at 3:30am to the sound of my cell phone vibrating. What's the point of vibrate if it can actually wake you from sleep?

It was Connor.

ME: Hello?
CONNOR: Look out your window.

I did...and there he was.

I almost dropped the phone.

ME: Are you drunk?
CONNOR: Yes.
ME: And you drove here?
CONNOR: I actually walked here from the club. You may need to give me a ride back home tomorrow.
ME: Tomorrow?
CONNOR: Yeah, I think it's time I stepped up to the plate.

Oh Christ...

CONNOR: What do you think?

I think Keifer Sutherland has it easy.