Date #4: Army Time

Certain things will just always be hot.

Funny guys, good abs, the ability to do a complete backflip, and of course--guys in uniform.

Hence I went out on a date with a former member of the United States military.

His name is Michael and he'll be attending URI in the fall. He's 6'3, really cute, and has this no-nonsense attitude about him that is obviously inspired by his military time and incredibly hot.

I picked him up at his dorm and we drove to the mall. While I was in his room as he finished getting ready (which I for some reason like, seeing the guy you're going to go on a date with get ready has always appealed to me, it makes them look more human, go figure) I noticed that his clock was military time--but it was wrong.

ME: Shouldn't it be 1900?
HIM: No, that's wrong.
ME: Isn't it take twelve and then add--
HIM: (Laughs.) I don't think so.
ME: Well--
HIM: I think I would know.

He was wrong. I have a blog. I win.

We spent the date doing my favorite thing--shopping in a bookstore. I know what you're thinking: He works in a library, why does he need to buy books? Um, yeah, it's about owning, okay? Leave me alone! Do I accost you about your shoe fetish, devoted (probably imaginary) reader? So there then.

I could tell bookstores weren't really Michael's thing, but points to him for suffering gladly. We were actually getting along really well, except for the fact that we were clearly not a match.

ME: So, was the military fun?
HIM: (Shrugs.) I shot a guy in the face once.
ME: Really?
HIM: No, I just tell civilians that cause it freaks them out.
ME: I'm not really a civilian...
HIM: Uh, yeah you are.
ME: Sorry, that just sounds so boring.
HIM: It is. But you are one.
ME: Are we arguing right now?
HIM: No, there's no arguing. You are a civilian.

I thought I could take him in a fight. He might know twenty ways to kill me, but I could knee him in the balls and then hit him with a copy of Midnight's Children that was positioned strategically right in front of my face. It was like Salmon Rushdie was saying--Do it! Do it! Kill the Brits!

It's weird being on a date when you're just not clicking. Like when you know the potential for a second date is just not there but you continue on anyway, cause...well, you're on the date. I suggested a movie, that way we wouldn't have to talk to each other much.

ME: What do you do when you're on a date with someone and it's just not working?
FRIEND: That's when I move things to a physical level.
ME: Wouldn't you do that only if things were going well?
FRIEND: No, if they're going well I hold out so they don't think I'm a whore.
ME: But if they're going badly?
FRIEND: I give it up, and that way they WANT to leave faster.
ME: So you're saying I should have had sex with Military Guy?
FRIEND: He was in the military and you DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM?

This is why I love my friends. Well, I have another date coming up soon. We're meeting at 2000 military time...or something.