Date #10: Staying Over

I actually agreed to a 3am date. Partly because I was so excited someone in RI actually stays up past 9pm on a Monday night.

Did I have to work the next day? Yes.
Am I at work now? Yes.
Do I feel fine after only one cup of coffee? Yes.

So there you go, all you "I need sleep to function people"--Turns out you don't.

Since nothing is open at 3am, Tucker and I decided we could watch tv and talk.

This is where I make one of my confessions: I'm addicted to Food Network.

Ever since I moved into the apartment, whenever I have free time I watch Food Network. For some reason it comforts me. It doesn't really matter what it is. A couple of weeks ago I stayed up until 2:30am just to find out who won the New England Seafood Cook-Out. This is the exciting life of Kevin Broccoli.

So when Tucker came over, Food Network was on--more specifically Iron Chef. Not regular Iron Chef, though, oh no. AMERICAN Iron Chef.

Being the Food Network addict that I am, I detest Iron Chef America with a passion. It's the worst Americanization of anything since Coupling.

By the way, Tucker showed up stoned--Cute, but stoned. Why does every gay man in this state have to be smoking something all the time?

For a stoned guy though, I will say that he was pretty all there--enough to have a coherent conversation anyway. We sat on the couch and passed pretzels back and forth. The main ingredient on the show was lobster. So far this guy from Southern California was making lobster paste with potatoes au something or other and the Iron Chef was making fried lobster head.

ME: I love how the one thing none of them think to make is just lobster.
TUCKER: This show rules.
ME: Actually it sucks.
TUCKER: You don't like Iron Chef?
ME: No, I love Iron Chef. But this is Iron Chef America. It's not the same thing.
TUCKER: Well yeah, they speak English.
ME: Not just that. The feeling of the show is completely different.
TUCKER: Shows don't have feelings.

Oh my God, was I actually going to argue about this?

Uh, yeah I was. Cause I'm that deranged.

ME: Maybe it's more like tone. The tone is different.
TUCKER: What do you mean?
ME: Well, the first one is campy because it's awful and cheesy, but the people on it take it completely seriously which adds to the camp and humor, and therefore makes it really entertaining. The American version is aware that it's campy and cheesy, and therefore they play up the campiness of it, and so the humor is completely gone. It's like when Jimmy Fallon used to crack up after his own jokes all the time on SNL. It killed the humor.
TUCKER: Are you kidding? Jimmy Fallon is the man.
ME: Get out of my house.

We kept talking about stuff--Jimmy Fallon and his suckiness led to talk about SNL in general, which somehow got us around to the Blues Brothers movies, the works of Dan Ackroyd, Ghostbusters 1 &2, the cartoon version of Ghostbusters, Saturday morning cartoons in general, and finally--Disney afternoon.

ME: Talespin was a work of genius.
TUCKER: I was more of a Darkwing Duck guy.
ME: I can respect that.
TUCKER: I don't think I'm high anymore.
ME: Well, it is 4:30 in the morning. It was bound to wear off.
TUCKER: Do you mind if I crash here tonight?

Okay, obviously problem. Gay man sleeping over? Bad stuff might happen...or good stuff, depending on how you want to look at it. But then again, this was the best date I'd had so far in the challenge, and to be honest, not sleeping alone didn't seem like such a horrible idea, so I said okay figuring we were both so exhausted it's not like we'd need all that much self-control to keep the physical activity to a minimum.

ME: I can pull out the sofa bed if you want.
TUCKER: (Grins.) What? You're not into cuddling?

That was cute. Admit it, that was cute.

So we go into my room, I got into my usual bed gear--red pajama pants and a t-shirt. I offered him an extra pair of pj's but he said--

TUCKER: That's okay. It's too hot for that. I'll just sleep naked.

Whadda-huh huh?

ME: Um...won't that be kind of awkward?
TUCKER: It's cool. We'll do undercover, over-cover.
ME: Uh...okay.

So he got under the covers and pretty much removed everything. Him being under the covers made the most sense since it was the only way I wasn't going to get full disclosure. We talked a little bit more and then fell asleep, and I'm thinking to myself--Okay, this isn't all that bad. It's kind of nice. Granted, he's naked but still--nice to have someone here.

Then the rubbing started.

Basically, he rolled over while sleeping and I felt something push up against me...

Yup, that "something."

And I'm thinking, okay--he's under the covers, I'm over the covers, it's not like I haven't had contact with one of those things before--I'll just push over a couple inches--no pun intended--and everything will be fine.

This is when I should mention that Tucker is a big guy--way bigger than me--and a lot stronger. So after I moved over a couple of inches, I felt two really strong arms grab me and pull me into the vast expanse of nakedness. The lower part of him was still covered by a sheet, but now I was wrapped up in his chest like a spider in a Venus flytrap.

At this point I'm wondering if Tucker is legitimately sleeping or just trying to get some, but I can tell by the way he's breathing that's he passed out. All right, I think to myself. Just take his arms out from around you and go crash on the couch.

No dice.

The guy has arms like a pro-wrestler and I was in the death grip. Well, of course, I can't fall asleep like that. Not to mention the ever-present yardstick that was jammed up against my lower back (yup, we're talking yardsticks here, the guy was impressive).

So I didn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake him up because I thought I could will myself to sleep. This morning he finally unwrapped his arms from around me, smiled, and asked me how I slept. I wanted to say "Like a rock" but I didn't think he'd get it.

FRIEND: That's why I don't let anyone stay the night.
ME: Well I wasn't going to send him home at 4:30am.
FRIEND: I've sent guys home at quarter to seven and nothing to show for it if you get my drift.
ME: I really don't but that's fine.
FRIEND: I thought you were going to be a prude from now on. Why'd you agree to the overnight?
ME: Do I sound cheesy if I say I wanted to wake up next to somebody today?
FRIEND: Cheesy, no. Pathetic, yes.
ME: He did have kind of a cute morning smile. I just didn't get any sleep.
FRIEND: You're lucky he didn't order that python of his to wrap itself around you and strangle you to death.

All right, first late-night, all-night date. Call me a ho, I deserve it.