Date #62: Cash Strapped

Before I begin this entry let me make two things abundantly clear:

1) I am not wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.
2) In the grand scheme of things, money is not all that important to me.

That being said, I now realize that dating someone who has some kind of income is actually, a little bit important.

BRIAN: Don't tell me you dated a hobo.

Luckily, I have enough money to sustain my NC luncheons...if Brian pays occasionally.

ME: Granted, dating like this can get expensive.
BRIAN: You go out more than anyone I know.

I'm aware, and it was beginning to take a toll on my wallet. I started this blog because of Julie Powell who attached some weird donation thing-y onto her blog which allowed people to give her money and continue her quest towards culinary fame and literary gold. But who's going to give some homo money to go out and date other homos?

ME: That's why I was so glad when this guy suggested we do stuff that wouldn't cost a lot of money.
BRIAN: Red flag.
ME: That's not true! We're still technically college-aged. Everyone we meet is going to be a little strapped for cash.
BRIAN: So much for marrying rich.

Dylan was a total sweetie. When I got to his apartment, he had set out a whole dinner for us on his patio. Of course, it was freezing...

BRIAN: Did he think it would force you to cuddle?
ME: I think he's just one of those people who thinks of a great idea then tries not to let anything spoil it.

At the time, it was hard for us to converse since my teeth wouldn't stop chattering.

DYLAN: So what are your overall plans?
ME: I want to t-t-t-t-t-ry to go to g-g-g-g-rad--
DYLAN: Grad school?
ME: Y-y-y-y-
DYLAN: Yes?
ME: C-c-c-c-an we go inside n-n-n-now?

If he was trying to force me to cuddle, it worked. Once we were inside I got right underneath a blanket with him and we started watching a movie on television.

ME: So, what do you do for fun?
DYLAN: Mostly hang out here.
ME: It's a nice apartment.
DYLAN: Yeah, there's not much in it.
ME: I was going to ask if you moved in recently.
DYLAN: No, I've been here for two years, but furniture is expensive.

Brian continued to eat his Greek salad.

BRIAN: I can already see where this is going.

Once the movie was over, I asked if maybe Dylan wanted to go out somewhere and grab some coffee. It was still fairly early and I'm definitely a night owl.

DYLAN: The thing about coffee is--it costs money.

He said this as if I'd recently just discovered a coffee plantation in my backyard and didn't understand the concept of people paying money for their coffee in the Outside World.

ME: Well, yeah, but not a lot. It'll be my treat.
DYLAN: Nah, you don't want to go down that road.
ME: What road?
DYLAN: The road of you paying for stuff. You'll wind up paying for everything.
ME: Uh...don't worry. I've never had that happen...ever.

I don't mind paying for things, but I wouldn't let it get one-sided like he was suggesting.

DYLAN: The thing is--I don't have a job. I don't have any plans to get a job.

Strike one, strike two...

DYLAN: I like the simple things in life. When I need something I ask my parents and they give it to me--only a little bit of money. Every time I've ever seen a movie or eaten out it's because some really nice guy like you wanted to go out with me badly enough to pay for it, and I just don't feel comfortable living that lifestyle anymore.

You mean the lifestyle of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? Cause FYI, I'm not Richard Gere. I have a way better nose.

ME: That's...I mean...you made dinner.

This was said as a semi-confidence booster and me trying to use words to come to some sort of understanding of what he was saying.

DYLAN: Yeah, I actually had my mom buy it and bring it over here this afternoon. Then I just kind of threw it together.

I'd say it's the thought that counts, but when the thought is--'Hey, I should have my Mom bring some pasta salad over for me and potential new Sugar Daddy' the thought doesn't really suffice.

DYLAN: If you're going to hang with me, you would just have to get used to a more common way of life.

Oh Christ, I'm on a date with an Amish guy who never came back from the Rumspringa.

I left shortly thereafter but have now gotten myself to thinking, what do I expect from someone financially?

BRIAN: Look, nobody needs to take care of me, I can take care of myself, but I expect them to do the same.
ME: It wasn't so much that he couldn't take care of himself. It was more that his taking care of himself would conflict with me taking myself to a movie, or a concert, or a restaurant that doesn't have plastic tables and a ball pit.
BRIAN: So you need someone who's equal or greater than you financially?
ME: Brian, I'm not an equation.
BRIAN: Of course you are. Kevin + Fashion = Weeping.
ME: Ha ha, Barney Rubble. Eat your chicken.

That night I found myself on the phone with Ivan trying to forge a friendship--and absolutely nothing else.

IVAN: God, you're so cute.
ME: You are too.

Okay, so maybe I was failing at that.

ME: I should put myself in this guy's shoes. I mean, how would I feel if I were him?
IVAN: Unemployed?
ME: I just can't see any kind of life with someone like that. It's not like they're struggling. They're voluntarily struggling!
IVAN: I think you should forget about him and hang out with me tomorrow.
ME: With you? Or with you and your boyfriend making sure we both make good choices?
IVAN: You call this conversation a good choice?
ME: I'm keeping you at bay. I'm doing my part.
IVAN: What if I don't want you to keep me at bay?
ME: Then tell your boyfriend it's over.
IVAN: Kevin--

And I hung up. I'm not usually so dramatic, but I don't play games either. I'm certainly not going to be the reason some nice guy cries in his pillow at night.

FRIEND: I like to be the reason some nice guy bites his pillow at night.
ME: This guy was too poor to even afford a pillow.
FRIEND: Tell the f**ker to start flipping burgers somewhere.
ME: He wants to lead a simple life.
FRIEND: Well Cokie and Sextape already got that s**t covered, crazy.
ME: Does finance make a difference to you when you're dating someone?
FRIEND: Honey, as long as the tab gets straightened out at the end of the night I don't care about anything else. That doesn't mean I think you should be hanging out with someone who serves you patee on his patio. That's tacky.
ME: As opposed to doing other things on the patio?
FRIEND: I resemble that statement.
ME: A little afternoon de--
FRIEND: Fuck off. Call me when you and Alfie Doolittle tie the knot.

In the interest of social experiments, I thought I should try countering my date with Mr. Communal with Mr. Capitalism.

ME: Hi Dwight? Long time, no talk.

Remember the Republican?