Date #58: Wonderwall

Let me tell you a story about my friend Turner...

I was on a date with a really cute guy named Gary who had just moved back to Rhode Island from Boston after graduating from college last spring. We were having a good date--

Actually, let me rephrase that.

We were having one of the best dates I've had in awhile.

Here are a few of the things we have in common:

A love of Dave Sedaris, Sarah Vowell, and other humorists with funny voices.
A fascination with VH1 Reality Television.
A dislike of swingsets (for different reasons, but still!)
A dual love of theater and english studies.
A bad experience with chicken nuggets.

GARY: You know, the kind you bake in the oven.
ME: Oh, I can't deal with those.
GARY: Me either. Just the smell of it--
ME: You need to stop there or I'll gag. I got food poisoning from those things.
GARY: Me too!

I was starting to smile uncontrollably. For some reason or another I've been really fickle with boys lately. I know it seems like I haven't really been giving anyone a chance, but the truth is, noboby's excited me lately--not like this guy was anyway.

ME: So have you been getting in touch with any of your old friends?
GARY: Um...
ME: That's a 'No.'
GARY: It's just that a lot of my friends and I are...awkward around each other.
ME: Why?
GARY: It's...well...okay--I was dating this guy--
ME: Oh, here we go.
GARY: Let me finish. I was dating this guy, and we were both friends before we started dating. And we were friends with our friends before we started dating.
ME: Big Friends-fest.
GARY: Exactly. Anyway, we dated for the last two years of high school and the first year of college.
ME: And then you broke up?
GARY: No, and then he died.

Uh...what?

GARY: He was in a car accident at the end of our freshman year of college.
ME: I'm so sorry.
GARY: It's okay. I mean, it's been awhile. I've come to terms with it for the most part, but a lot of my friends haven't. He was one of those guys everybody really loved.
ME: That's understandable then.
GARY: Except for the fact that now I just remind them of someone they wish was still here.
ME: I'm sure they've missed seeing you, too.
GARY: Oh, I don't know about that. I think for them me moving to Boston and starting to date again was just--
ME: Too fast?
GARY: I think if I had waited a hundred years it still would have been too fast. We were the It Gay Couple of our high school.
ME: Every high school needs one.
GARY: People had a hard time separating us, and I don't think that changed when he died.
ME: That sucks. But I mean, you should still give it a shot.
GARY: I don't know about that.
ME: Fair enough.

I let the issue drop and we continued on with our meal. Despite the mini-bombshell, my interest was only gaining. Here was a guy who had his head on his shoulders and clearly was not overly dramatic since he had something awful happen to him and had found a way to move on and create a life for himself. It also said something about his character. I was gunning for a second date. It even seemed reasonable to introduce him to Broccoli's Angels.

ME: You know, me and my friends are going to karaoke tomorrow if you'd like to come.
GARY: Sounds like fun. I'm a total karaoke whore.

Points, points, points.

ME: It's nothing big. Just me and Broccoli's Angels.
GARY: Broccoli's Angels?
ME: Yeah, my friends Brian and Turner.

I saw a look come over his face.

ME: Something wrong?
GARY: What's Turner's last name?

I told him.

GARY: Uh...wow. Okay.
ME: What is it?
GARY: Turner and I actually went to high school together.
ME: You did?
GARY: Yeah, he and my boyfriend were like--best friends.
ME: Oh, I didn't--he's never said anything.
GARY: He took it really hard. He doesn't talk about it much.
ME: Yeah, but he and I are pretty close. We even went out on a few dates.
GARY: Don't sweat it. He and I were like that too. We didn't date, obviously, but aside from my boyfriend, he was my best friend. The three of us were all really close. After Greg died, he just...We didn't talk anymore.

Hidden secrets in my group of friends? I thought the point of being out of the closet was not to have any skeletons in it.

ME: You should definitely stop by then. I bet he'd be really glad to see you.
GARY: I don't--
ME: You're coming. What are we doing for dessert?

After about another half an hour of persuading, he agreed, but only if Turner said 'Yes.' And why would he say no?

TURNER: Absolutely not.

We were at his apartment. Brian was painting his room and we were all helping. As soon as I mentioned Gary's name, Turner nearly painted Brian the same color as the walls.

BRIAN: Turner, be careful.
TURNER: I am not going to karaoke if he's there.
ME: Why not?
TURNER: We don't get along.
ME: Turner, the guy lost his boyfriend of three years. You act like he's a Guatamalen dictator.
TURNER: Listen to you going on like you know what the fuck you're talking about.
BRIAN: Whoa, Pedro. Where'd that come from?

I was wondering the same thing. I've never seen Turner get angry like that so quickly.

ME: I'm not trying to--
TURNER: You want to know what Gary did when Greg died? He took off. Now, it's not that I can't understand that. I wanted to take off, too. That's why I transferred to NYU, but then I find out he's hooking up with anything that moves out in Boston.
ME: That's how some people cope.
TURNER: Oh please.

His face was turning as red as his hair.

BRIAN: Boys, more painting, less Peyton Place.
TURNER: If he really loved Greg as much as we all thought he did, it should have taken him way longer to get over him.
ME: Why? Because it took you longer?
TURNER: Fuck off, Kevin.
BRIAN: Turner--
TURNER: What are you going to do with him anyway? Have your fun then toss him on the scrap heap with all the other guys you date?
ME: That's out of line.
TURNER: Whatever.

With this, he walked out of the room.

BRIAN: I'll get him to go.
ME: That's okay.
BRIAN: No, he needs to. I can tell. Whatever's bothering him about this whole thing needs to be resolved.
ME: He obviously just hates me because I'm dating his dead best friend's boyfriend.
BRIAN: Hang on, let me get the violin so I can play you a weeper.
ME: I've never seen him be that mad before.
BRIAN: He'll be fine. We're friends. Friends get pissed at each other.
ME: Yeah...I mean we are Broccoli's Angels.
BRIAN: Kevin, stop trying to make Broccoli's Angels happen. It's not going to happen.

Argh.

When Gary and I got to karaoke, Turner and Brian were already there. I don't know what Brian said to make Turner agree to show, but he apparently couldn't go as far as making him be pleased to be there. He had his arms crossed and his newly created "pissed" face on.

GARY: This should be fun.
ME: How can it not be? An Indian guy is singing Cyndi Lauper.

Keep it up, Rajir. One day you'll master "She Bop."

We sat down, and I began counting the seconds until fireworks started.

GARY: So Turner, how are you?
TURNER: Pretty good. How was fucking everyone in Boston?

Who had two sentences? Anyone?

BRIAN: Can we just not? Please?
TURNER: You're the one who wanted me to come.
BRIAN: And act like an adult. Hi, I'm Brian by the way.
GARY: Nice to meet you, Brian.
TURNER: Brian is also trying to fuck half of Boston, but he commutes, so it's taking him longer.
ME: Already off to a delightful start.
BRIAN: How did I get dragged into this?
TURNER: Because you dragged me here.
BRIAN: If you don't want to be here, leave.
TURNER: Why should I? I like karaoke. Just because some insensitive--
GARY: Insensitive? My boyfriend died. Died! Sorry to be melodramatic, but he did in fact die, in a pretty dramatic way. It took me a long time to get past it, regardless of how I chose to go about it, and now you think it's okay for you to judge me? Fuck you, Turner.
TURNER: Fuck me? FUCK ME?

Anytime an argument has gone into "Fuck you"-"No, fuck you" territory, you know it's time to raise a flag.

ME: Guys, let's just--
TURNER: He was my best friend!
GARY: And you were mine. I guess we all lost more than we thought we did. I'm going to the bathroom.

And that was that. I glared at Turner, as did Brian.

TURNER: What?
BRIAN: You're being an ass.
ME: You're being unbelieveable harsh on him.
TURNER: You two have nothing to say about this. I'm going outside.

And that was that. Brian and I looked at each other.

ME: This was a disaster.
BRIAN: I know. Let's get plastered.
ME: I don't drink.
BRIAN: Fine. Watch me get plastered.
ME: I'm going to go talk to Gary.
BRIAN: I'll try to calm Turner down.

Gary was in the bathroom washing his hands.

ME: It's safe to come out now.
GARY: I shouldn't have shown up here tonight.
ME: You didn't 'show up.' I invited you.
GARY: Even still.
ME: Gary, he's being a jerk.
GARY: He's just...I didn't realize I'd be opening up old wounds. I thought enough time had passed--
ME: Sometimes that doesn't help.
GARY: Yeah.

Brian poked his head in the bathroom.

BRIAN: Kev, can I see you for a second?
ME: Sure.

He took me out to the emcee and showed me a slip he had filled out.

ME: You want us to sing at a time like this?
VOICE: No, he wants me to sing.

I turned around to see my good buddy Nick walking towards us.

NICK: I guess Turner's in need of a pick-me-up, huh?

I looked at the song title.

ME: That's what you call a pick-me-up?
BRIAN: I don't think 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' is going to do the trick. This will be more like a cathartic experience.
ME: You think it'll be that deep?
BRIAN: It will when I do the chorus.
NICK: Yeah right, tightie whitie. We're still negotiating that. Get your boys back in here.

I grabbed Gary and had him sit at the bar, while Brian convinced Turner to go back to the table. I was praying for a moving moment where karaoke would manage to bring two people together who used to be close. Odds? Not terrific. Then Nick started to sing.

When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a babies breath and a shoeful of rice, No

Can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

There's something about a black guy singing The Verve Pipe that just makes you believe in God. Even if it is just karaoke.

Brian did in fact sing the chorus, but more as back-up than anything.

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

I turned to Gary to see his response.

GARY: I remember loving this song when it came out.
ME: Granted it was junior high--
GARY: Yeah, but it feels appropriate. Like I'm in an Ally McBeal episode and your two friends are Vonda Shephard.

Do you not see why I love him?

When I looked over at Turner, I noticed him getting his coat and heading out the door. I excused myself and followed him.

Outside he was just standing there in the cold, rubbing his hands already trying to keep warm.

ME: We're not trying to upset you, Turner.
TURNER: I know.

His voice had lost its edge, and he looked the most pensive I'd ever seen him.

TURNER: It's a little like a bad break-up, if you want to trivialize it that much. You think you're past it, you're fine, and then wham. You see the person and all of a sudden you're a raging, grieving mess again.
ME: Don't you think maybe you and Gary could help each other?
TURNER: Oh, I really don't think so.

He didn't say this with bite, more like he knew something I didn't.

ME: Why not?
TURNER: Gary makes me feel guilty.
ME: Guilty?
TURNER: Kevin, when Greg died, I was going through some stuff--namely being really in love with Gary.

Oh Christ...

TURNER: And then when Greg died...I mean, how weird is that, right?
ME: This is all very Bronte sisters, you realize that?
TURNER: Yeah, I do, but it is what it is. Seeing him again makes me feel like that awful person who fell for his best friend's boyfriend.
ME: It's not your fault that you did. Nothing's your fault.
TURNER: You know, it's funny. I know and I don't know. You know how you see people who blame themselves for stuff and you think, I wouldn't do that. I would know it wasn't my fault. Well, the thing is--
ME: You know and you don't know.
TURNER: Yup.
ME: Come on inside. Everything else can worked out later, but it's cold. Just come inside, Turner.

He nodded and followed me inside. I put my arm around him and rubbed my nose up against his cheek. He felt more like my Turner, the smiling redhead who I can't believe I haven't known all my life.

The boys were just finishing up the song, but Brian didn't move from the mic.

BRIAN: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. We are Ebony and Ivory and we will be playing here every week.
NICK: I don't do back-up, baby.
BRIAN: Yeah, yeah. Okay, that was totally depressing. This next one is a little more mellow.

Today is gonna be the day
When they throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you've gotta do

Gary came up to Turner. I was a little worried we were going into Round Two.

GARY: You want to dance?
TURNER: Are you serious?
GARY: Yup.
TURNER: I'm not entirely not pissed at you.

Yeah, because after Greg died he went after other guys and never even thought to stay behind and console the guy who had been in love with him the whole time.

GARY: Ditto. You can't fix everything all at once. I just don't want to fight and if that's what you want to do, I'm going to leave.
TURNER: So it's 'Yes, I'll dance with you' or 'Okay, get lost.'
GARY: Pass or play, yup.

It was then that I could see it.

TURNER: Okay.

They went out in front of the bar and began to dance, and nothing that I had felt for Gary disappeared. I still thought he was amazing, but now I realized that dating him would mean hurting Turner very much, and I wasn't sure I could rationalize that away in any fashion.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Nick came up to me.

NICK: So that boy you brought in here is really cute. You two a thing?

I looked at Turner and Gary dancing. I could see Turner was fighting a lot of things inside himself, and I saw that it wouldn't take too much for him to let go.

You're my wonderwall

Maybe just the right song...

FRIEND: Fuck, I'm depressed. I feel like developing a cutting addiction now.
ME: So is there any way for this to end well?
FRIEND: Yes, leave the boy alone. That's all BH9021-Homo shit. You don't need that.
ME: Can you believe how intense something like that must be? Losing someone like that?
FRIEND: Now, I can't be sure, but I'm guessing at some point we're all going to have to go through that. Of course, that's what I have my carefully guarded and maintained pyschological walls, but I'm sure even I'll get hit at one point.
ME: Christ, I need a sing-along.
FRIEND: Amen to that. Cause baby...
ME: I didn't know you sang.
FRIEND: Tell anybody I just did that and you'll never sing karaoke in this town again.

Nick was still looking at me as I was looking at my friend and the guy he loves.

NICK: Well? You two an item?
ME: I'll have to get back to you on that.

I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Cause baby...