Date #57: Boy on TV

Show me that smile again...
Show me that smile...
Don't waste another...
Yadda on your yadda...

Nothing makes me happier than remembering that I grew up during the Golden Age of television:

Mr. Belvedere.
Growing Pains.
Punky Brewster.

So imagine how happy I was when I met a guy who shared my love of the small screen.

Morgan is your typical pop culture junkie. He's always reading the latest in-book, he always sees a movie the day it opens, and as soon as a television show becomes popular he buys all the past seasons and watches them in crazy marathons.

While this might appeal to me in terms of "friendship," it's not the description of my ideal boyfriend.

Our date took place at his apartment. He hadn't seen the last few episodes of Battlestar Galactica and wanted to catch up. Since that's always been a show I've wanted to get into, I said "Sure, why not?" And I figured we could order pizza and laugh at ourselves for being dorky enough to sit in a living room and watch a show with the word "Battlestar" and/or "Galactica" in its title.

MORGAN: No, you don't get it. It's so uncool, it's cool. That's why people like it. Plus it has major political allegories.
ME: And aliens.
MORGAN: And commentary on today's society.
ME: And aliens.
MORGAN: And similaritities to--
ME: And aliens.

I was saying all this with a teasing smile. Actually, I was gearing up for a new television addiction until Jericho's spring season.

Ever since I was a kid I've been obsessed with pop culture. For me, it was a matter of being cool. I thought that if you knew all there was to know about the coolest trends, you would sort of absorb the cool off of the information. Not really the case. The trick about pop culture is that it's not something meant to be studied. Doing so makes you the typical nerd who cares too much. Regardless, I've never been able to give it up.

I think another part of me has just always wanted my life to be like a television show. I used to watch those old sitcoms and movies like The Big Chill where a group of friends are dancing around a kitchen making salad and listening to "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" and wish that I could have an experience like that.

MORGAN: I just finished watching every season of Smallville.
ME: I just finished Weeds and The Comeback.
MORGAN: Oh..I haven't gotten to The Comeback yet.

I could see a little spark of panic in his eyes. Clearly, he felt challenged--that maybe I was a little bit ahead of him in the cancelled television viewing race.

MORGAN: I'll have to pick it up from Blockbuster.
ME: It's quality.

We finished about two episodes of Battlestar and then moved on to the pleasant conversation portion of the evening.

ME: What was the name of Balki's cousin on Perfect Strangers?
MORGAN: Cousin Larry. What show was a spin-off of Perfect Strangers?
ME: Family Matters. Harriet worked as an elevator operator in the building that Balki and Larry worked at.
MORGAN: What was the spin-off of TGIF on Saturdays that didn't last and what were the shows on it?
ME: It was called I Love Saturday Night and it featured Perfect Strangers, Capitol Critters, Who's the Boss, and Growing Pains. My turn. Who was the voice of Max on Capitol Critters?
MORGAN: Neil Patrick Harris, who starred in this Broadway revival--
ME: Assassins.
MORGAN: Let me finish! In California--
ME: --Sweeney Todd, which featured this leading actress--
MORGAN: Patti Lupone, please bitch--
ME: Who starred in what television--
MORGAN: Life Goes On!
ME: Corky!
MORGAN: Corky!

And at that point, we just started making out...hardcore. Before I knew it shirts were off and I was sliding my tongue down his chest as he slipped in the first disc in The 4400: The First Season collection.

Despite all that, I didn't think I could handle a second date. We were just way too simliar. Instead of getting sad about it, I showed up at Brian's house with a CD and three sets of pajama bottoms. Turner opened the door.

TURNER: Kevin, please tell me we're not to run an obstacle course?
ME: Not quite.

Cut to three gay man dancing around in pajama bottoms and singing along to Freda Payne.

Now that you're gone...
All that's left is this band of gold
All that's left of this dream I hold
Is this band of gold...

TURNER: And the memory of what love could be.
BRIAN: If you were still here with me!
ME: You took me...from the shelter of the--
TURNER: Why are we doing this again?
ME: Because I want my life to be more like tv.
BRIAN: We need to have you watch more Queer as Folk and less Family Ties.

Something tells me Friend will concur.

FRIEND: You're f**king right I will. If that were my pajama party I'd lose the pajamas and keep the bottoms.
ME: Do you think I'm a nerd for being so into pop culture?
FRIEND: Honey, you're talking to someone who could call the stage version of Highschool Musical from memory.
ME: So do you think I should...get my head in the game?
FRIEND: Aw, that's cute...but sad. Don't ever say that again.
ME: Deal.
FRIEND: I think it's sweet that you have an obsession that doesn't involve you standing outside some boy's house at 3am holding up a stereo and playing "In Your Eyes."
ME: Say Anything!
FRIEND: No shouting. Daddy's still feeling his L.I.T.'s from last night.
ME: Sorry.
FRIEND: Why not put your obsession into something productive?
ME: Like a VH1 show?
FRIEND: Close.

Sometimes when your dreams don't come true on their own, you need to bring your own pajama bottoms.

Which brings me to the news...

There's going to be a new blog--all about pop culture.

www.thiscantbeculture.blogspot.com

Because every good show needs a spin-off :O)