Date #72: The Dinner Party: With Friends Like These...

It was bound to happen.

The dinner party to end all dinner parties has come and gone.

And I have Dwight to thank.

DWIGHT: It'll be fun. I've always wanted to do one.
ME: I've done them before. They always end badly.

Dwight and I were at the market getting food for the impending disaster.

I was in charge of the guest list since the only people Dwight had been exposed to lately were Mrs. Brown and her ultra-conservative fiancee.

ME: You promise Strom won't be there?
DWIGHT: If he is, I'm sucking someone off right in front of him.
ME: Dwight!
DWIGHT: I need to be around people my own age again. I'm going crazy.
ME: Don't worry. I'll make sure you get reintroduced to generation G-A-Y.

The guest list was going to be nice and simple:

1) Brian with Guest (Who, I had no clue, I was assuming he wouldn't even bring anyone.)
2) Turner with Gary
3) Nick with Guest (Apparently, he'd be seeing someone lately who he really liked.)
4) Myself with Guest (Travis, an old friend of mine from freshman year.)

Scooter was on the guest list, but apparently, he couldn't make it.

I was actually pretty nervous about bringing Travis to the party, but he was only going to be in RI for a limited time, and he wanted to hang out before he went back to where he's from (New York).

Travis and I are sort of complicated. Back when we used to hang out we had a very tight group of friends that was then disbanded when Travis slept with the boyfriend of another friend in the group. This was also after Travis and I discussed possibly dating. Everything unraveled after that.

BRIAN: And so are the days of our lives.

Brian and I were eating a pre-Dinner Party lunch at the N.C. Think what you will, but if straight guys can have pre-shows before their football games, we can have pre-meals before our gay dinner parties.

ME: I just don't know if I want to see him.
BRIAN: Then why did you invite him?
ME: Because he was one of my best friends at the time, and before I stopped speaking to him I was kind of crazy about him.
BRIAN: Let the fireworks begin.
ME: I will conduct myself as a composed adult with civility and poise.
BRIAN: So you're going to try to get into his pants?
ME: That's what I'm hoping.

No! That was not going to happen. I was going to be strong. I am not a sex addict. I am not Halle Berry's ex-husband!

BRIAN: So why did he sleep with your friend's boyfriend?
ME: Alcohol was involved, plus the boyfriend was an ass.
BRIAN: But it still went unforgiven?
ME: Uh...yeah! He did it on our friend's birthday.
BRIAN: Ouch.
ME: No kidding. It was just...up to that point I never believed that a group of gay guys could be friends because sex would always rear its ugly head.
BRIAN: Pun?
ME: Not intended.
BRIAN: Continue.
ME: And I felt like when Travis slept with that guy, he just...proved me right.
BRIAN: But aren't the chances pretty good that if you and he had started dating, there might have been a messy break-up which might in turn have broken up your little group anyway?

...................

ME: I don't understand the question.

That night I got to the house early to help Dwight prepare for the dinner party. Mrs. Brown was already in the kitchen when I got there--critiquing as usual.

MRS. BROWN: You're not actually going to serve the boys potato salad, are you, Dwight? I raised you better than that.
ME: Is there something wrong with potato salad?
MRS. BROWN: Nothing at all. Not if you're throwing a barbecue in Tulsa.
DWIGHT: It is not potato salad, Mother. It is potatoes au groton.
MRS. BROWN: You keep telling yourself that, Dwight, and I'll help you with the onion dip when you're done.

We managed to finish dinner just as the first guests were getting there.

Granted, the first guest had been disinvited at that point.

SCOOTER: I ended up ditching my date. He turned out to be a fatty.
ME: That is the danger with blind dates. But now we're a little short on the food.
SCOOTER: It's cool. I can just munch on something. You guys got potato chips?
ME: With dip, actually.

Shortly thereafter, Turner and Gary showed up--in matching shirts.

ME: I'd say something, but there's throw up in my mouth.
GARY: Nice to see you, too, Kevin.
TURNER: Where's your buddy, Dwight?
ME: He's in the kitchen saying good-bye to his mother.

As if on cue:

DWIGHT: Give me the goddammed sauce pan, Mother!

I turned back to the doublemint twins.

ME: Turner, remind me to remind you that you're in charge of throwing the next one of these...things.
GARY: Hey, I wouldn't mind. I love dinner parties.
ME: Great. Then you can come over early and help with the pate.

Gary looked a little perplexed. Turner looked a little worried.

GARY: Why would I come over early when I live there?

Na-who-what?

Cut to me dragging Turner into the kitchen.

TURNER: I know what you're going to say.
ME: You know I'm going to say you should be institutionalized?
MRS. BROWN: Kevin, do you think I should stay tonight and supervise you boys?
DWIGHT: Ignore her, she's not here.
TURNER: It's more for convenience than anything. I wanted a bigger place, and I needed a roommate to afford one--
ME: --So you thought: Hey, who would make a better roommate than the guy I've been seeing for less than six months?
TURNER: I've known him for longer than that.
ME: Yeah, and then you stopped talking to him because--
MRS. BROWN: I only knew Dwight's father for a few days before we consummated our relationship and moved in together.
DWIGHT: Yeah, and look how well that worked out.

I was really upset. Why wouldn't Turner tell me this? It explained why his new place was so big, and how he was able to afford it. But why keep it a secret?

TURNER: Because I knew you'd react this way.
ME: What way?
TURNER: All judgmental and stuff.
ME: Turner, what way do you want me to react? Do you want me to be one of those nodding, smiling friends who just says 'Great!' no matter what their friend does? No matter what stupid mistake they make?

Doorbell.

MRS. BROWN: I'll get it.
DWIGHT: Don't you dare!
MRS. BROWN: Fine. I'd rather watch this anyway.
TURNER: Yes.
ME: Yes, what?
TURNER: Yes, I'd like you to be a smiling, nodding, supportive friend who doesn't make me feel like a bad person every time I decide to take a chance or make a mistake!

And with that he walked out...and walked back in again.

TURNER: And if you think you're mad at me, just wait until Brian gets here!

Oh Christ...

Actually, maybe I should save that 'Oh Christ...' I might need it later.

Travis was waiting in the living room for me. Gary had let him in.

TRAVIS: Hey there, Mr. Broccoli.
ME: Hey you. You look great.
TRAVIS: Great and old, you mean?
ME: Stop it. You act like we're a decade apart in age.

In truth, we're only five years apart. But when we first starting hanging out, I was 18 and Travis was 23--which I guess can be a much bigger difference than 22 and 27.

TRAVIS: So who was the guy who just went storming into the bathroom?
ME: That was Turner.
GARY: Should I check on him?
ME: I would advise it. He hadn't told me that you two were living together.
GARY: I know, I told him he should have just said something. He thought you wouldn't take it well.
ME: I indicated he might need mental supervision.
GARY: Good to know you proved him wrong.

Gary went into the bathroom just as Nick showed up at the front door--with Chris.

ME: Oh, hi Nick. I thought you were bringing a date.
NICK: I did. You know Chris, obviously.
ME: I do indeed.

INNER MONOLOGUE: We had sex less than a month ago.

ME: How have you been, Chris?
CHRIS: Fine thanks, and you?

INNER MONOLOGUE: I've been not calling you, that's how I've been.

ME: Terrific. Come on in here.

Back into the kitchen--this time with Nick.

ME: What's this all about?
NICK: I'm sorry. I should have given you a heads up.
ME: Yeah, that would have been nice.
DWIGHT: Have you seen my mother?
ME: She's in the dining room making the napkins into phallic symbols.
DWIGHT: Oh God--

He ran out, and shortly thereafter I heard silverware crashing.

NICK: Chris and I have just decided to move our friendship to another level.
ME: Couldn't you have just joined a softball team together?
NICK: Kevin--
ME: I'm sorry, but don't you see how awkward this is?
NICK: Yes, but you're my friend, and if Chris and I are going to end up together we all need to learn to be adults and coexist at the same gay dinner party together.
ME: Why are people always asking me to accept things I don't want to accept?
NICK: You think this is bad. Wait until Brian gets here.

Wow, you can't buy suspense like that.

Back in the living room I saw something I never thought I'd see:

Scooter having a conversation with Mrs. Brown.

MRS. BROWN: Tell me, Scooter. Is that your real name?
SCOOTER: Yeah. My parents thought it would be cute.
MRS. BROWN: Do you resent them for that?
SCOOTER: Nah, twinks seem to like it.
MRS. BROWN: Twinks?
SCOOTER: Skinny gay guys who--
ME: Okay! That's enough!
MRS. BROWN: Oh right, I know what twinks are. My son brings one home every once in awhile. At least he used to. Now that he's in love with Kevin he doesn't do anything but sit around and mope.
ME: Mrs. Brown, your son--
MRS. BROWN: Don't tell me he's not in love with you, because we both know that he is.

Awkward city, next stop.

I didn't even want to think about whether or not what she was saying was accurate.

SCOOTER: Kevin's just looking for sex right now.
ME: I am not! And coming from you that's hysterical!
SCOOTER: Then why won't you give me a shot.
MRS. BROWN: Are you in love with him too?
ME: No, he's not.
SCOOTER: Yes, I am.
MRS. BROWN: I'll have to make you a special napkin, Kevin.

I had given Nick the job of entertaining Travis while I helped Dwight with the finishing touches. Turner still wouldn't speak to me, but he had agreed to come out of the bathroom and mingle.

By the time I finally got Travis alone in the room designated to be the coat room, the Caesar salads were almost ready to go.

ME: I'm so sorry things have been this crazy so far. I don't even know where my friend Brian is.
TRAVIS: He's probably just running late.
ME: Or he's afraid to show up. Don't Tell Kevin seems to be the theme of the evening.
TRAVIS: Good to know I came prepared.
ME: Don't tell me. You've become a Mormon.
TRAVIS: Kevin--
ME: You have three wives, and one of them is Jeanne Tripplehorn?
TRAVIS: I was worried about coming here tonight. Really worried.
ME: Because of the...history and whatnot?
TRAVIS: Yeah.

I smiled at him and told him what I'd wanted to say for a long time.

ME: I'm sorry.
TRAVIS: Why are you sorry? I was the one who acted like a dick.
ME: Yes, you did. But at times, I have the ability to be a little...unforgiving.
TRAVIS: You pretty much cut me off after that.
ME: I think I just get really nervous when I see someone make a mistake out of weakness because it reminds me of all the weaknesses in myself.
TRAVIS: That's deep.
ME: I know, I might have read it in a Simple Abundance book.

We went back to the dining room to start dinner, and there sitting at the table, was Brian...and his date.

TOMMY: Hey Kev, how you been?

Ready now?

Oh Christ...

See Dates #2, 17, 21--Oh, just assume that he and I don't get along too well.

BRIAN: Kevin, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?
ME: I thought you'd never ask.

We went into the kitchen and I tried to be the new, forgiving, accepting of human ways Kevin as Brian explained the situation to me.

ME: I disown you as a friend.

Okay, so maybe it was going to take some time to implement the new me.

BRIAN: It just happened. I didn't plan it.
ME: Is this what you've been doing all this time you've been too busy to hang out with me?
BRIAN: What are you talking about? We've had lunch just like always.
ME: No! Uh uh, buddy. You've been distant, and shady, and--
BRIAN: Maybe if you handled things better--

Turner walked into the kitchen. I was assuming he was going to try and calm us down.

TURNER: Did you tell him about the drugs yet?

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

BRIAN: Thanks, Turner.
TURNER: He was going to find out anyway. He finds out everything.
ME: You're doing drugs now?
TURNER: Why do you think I moved out?
BRIAN: You moved out because you wanted to live with Gary.
ME: Another brilliant decision from the MENSA group.

And then as if from the bowels of Hell itself...

VOICE: Kind of like writing a blog about everyone you date.

I turned around to see Tommy standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

There was no response to that. My mouth froze faster than Anna Nicole's bank accounts. I quietly left the room, walking right past Tommy, and went straight into the bathroom.

(Hey, if Turner can do it, so can I.)

I was only in there for a few minutes when the door opened. I assumed it was one of my friends coming to cheer me up and tell me there was nothing to worry about and that I should come out out to the party.

Come on, do I ever get that lucky?

CHRISTOPHER: I need to talk to you.

Oh, of course.

CHRISTOPHER: I told Nick I was going to grab something out of the car.
ME: Okay?
CHRISTOPHER: Do it to me.
ME: Do what to you?
CHRISTOPHER: You know.

See Date #68: The Ashton Kutcher.

ME: Are you kidding me?
CHRISTOPHER: I haven't had decent sex since then.
ME: You're dating my friend! We're in the bathroom! They're about to serve lamb!
CHRISTOPHER: I hate lamb. Do me. Do me now.
ME: Where? On the bathmat?
CHRISTOPHER: God, that's hot.

I was out of there. As I was leaving the bathroom, I ran right into Brian and Turner.

BRIAN: If it isn't Judgey McJudge-Pants.
ME: Oh, shut up! It's not what it looks like and even if it was, it's not the same as doing whatever it is you're doing with Tommy a.k.a Satan.
BRIAN: What I do is none of your business. Just being friends with someone does not require you to make your life an open book to them!
ME: YES IT DOES! If it doesn't, then I need to reevaluate my entire concept of friendship.
BRIAN: You might want to do that anyway!
TURNER: Guys, can we just try to have a nice dinner together?
BRIAN and ME: No!

At that point, Christopher snuck out of the bathroom and headed back towards the dining room. The three of us looked at each other...and laughed.

I don't know why, we just did. It was one of those moments.

We went back to the table.

DWIGHT: Everything all right?
MRS. BROWN: Were you boys fellating each other in my study?
SCOOTER: Usually I'm the one involved with the fellating, Mrs. Brown.
MRS. BROWN: I like this boy, Dwight. You two should consider dating.
ME, NICK, BRIAN, TURNER, and DWIGHT: No.
SCOOTER: That's okay. I'm not into Republicans.
NICK: He likes to have them start hating themselves after he sleeps with them, not before.
SCOOTER: Hardy-har.

Travis leaned in and whispered to me--

TRAVIS: You okay?
ME: Yeah, it's been one hell of a night.
TRAVIS: As bad as the last dinner party we were at?

God, I had completely forgotten.

Spring, 2003

We were all at the Cheesecake Factory: Me, Travis, Allan, and Teddy. The news of Travis and Allan's boyfriend, Rich, had just landed the night before, and things were...tense.

ME: Isn't anyone going to say anything?
ALLAN: I have nothing to say.
ME: Okay, then I'll say something.

I remember not being able to think of anything aside from--

ME: Has anyone seen Tommy? We're doing that at my school next year.
ALLAN: Travis, why did you do it?
ME: Or we could talk about that.
TRAVIS: I told you, Allan. It just happened.
ALLAN: Flash floods just happen. Sex doesn't.
TEDDY: If it was with Travis, it might have been very similar to a flash flood--
ME: Teddy, stay the hell out of it.
TEDDY: Excuse me?
ME: If you're just going to exacerbate things than just keep your mouth shut, all right? You're such a f**king instigator sometimes.
TEDDY: Are you upset because I'm attacking Travis?
ME: I--
TEDDY: Because you are aware he had no intention of actually dating you, right?
TRAVIS: Shut up, Teddy.
ALLAN: Don't tell him to shut up.
TEDDY: Just because you two smiled at each other once or twice--
ME: Look, I have no interest in dating someone who would do something like that.

And those were the damning words.

TRAVIS: You know what? I'm done with this.

He got up, and left.

TEDDY: I'm going to the men's room. Kevin, make yourself useful and ask for the check.

And that was that. Four amazing friends, disbanded all at one dinner. You wouldn't know it from the preceeding convo but we all actually were very close before that night.

It was just me and Allan sitting at the table.

ME: This is so sad.
ALLAN: You want to hear something important, Kevin?
ME: Important?
ALLAN: Yes, it's important. It's important for you to hear it.
ME: Uh...okay.
ALLAN: You're past the fresh meat phase of your life.
ME: Huh?
ALLAN: There are certain phases in any gay man's life. There's the Closeted phase, which some of us go through--that's when you're most attractive. You're new, you're pure, you're conflicted, you're not even on the market shelves yet. That's when they want you the most--
ME: Allan--
ALLAN: Then there's the fresh meat phase. That's when you're out, but you're still learning, you're still naive, you think the best of everyone, you can molded and thrown away without even knowing either happened to you. That's the phase you were in up to this point. That's the reason you might have had a chance with Travis.
ME: Okay, I think that's--
ALLAN: Now you're in the last phase. The phase where you've been made bitter, jaded, corrupted, slutty, biting, witty, but certainly not all that appealing anymore to anyone who isn't in the exact same spot you are. And for the rest of your life you're always going to be passed up for boys who are the first two phases--like my ex-boyfriend.

I remember thinking Allan was really old at that point. We weren't that far apart in age, but I felt like I was looking at someone who'd already lived three lifetimes.

ALLAN: That's why I don't blame Travis. Because we all want the pure, the untouched--we want to feel that innocence again and again. And we can't bring it back in ourselves, so we have to find it in others--soak it up--then find it in someone else. That's going to be your life, Kevin.
ME: No, it's not.
ALLAN: Yes, it is. That's going to be all our lives. Because that's the community--the illustrious, well-lauded community--that we've all built for ourselves. Obsessed with youth, and muscles, and money, and fame, and kitsch, and sin. At some point you just give up on it all. You find someone you can cling to, and you do that, you cling. You stop dating, you stop caring, and you never look back.
ME: And if you're not willing to do that?
ALLAN: Oh, Kevin, it has so little to do with you.
ME: Well, I'm going to have fun as long as I can. And if I meet the right person, then I'll settle down. But I'm not going to settle down out of fear. I'll date forever if I have to, but I'm never going to settle.
ALLAN: Kevin, sweetie, you can only date for so long before it all just seems so...pointless.

And back to the present we go...

As I sat there at the table staring at Nick across from me, I wondered to myself if Allan had been right. Had my little dating experiment (and subsequently my life) reached that moment? Had this all just become pointless?

MRS. BROWN: So Kevin, about this blog--
DWIGHT: Mother, weren't you supposed to leave hours ago?
MRS. BROWN: My fiancee must be held up at the office.
GARY: Mrs. Brown, if I can be a little blunt--I can't believe you're engaged to a person who sounds so conservative. You seem so free-spirited and--
MRS. BROWN: Gary, I've been getting screwed by conservatives all my life. I see no reason to buck the trend now.
DWIGHT: Oh dear Lord--
TOMMY: So about that blog--
SCOOTER: Hey Tommy, I think I saw you somewhere last weekend.
TOMMY: The club?
SCOOTER: No, not the club. It was after that.
TOMMY: I don't think so.
BRIAN: We went to the club and then went back home and fell asleep.
NICK: Really? I thought I heard one of you get up and leave.

What was going on here?

TOMMY: I ran out to my car to get something.
NICK: Really? Cause I thought you were gone for awhile.
BRIAN: You went somewhere?

Tommy looked like he was going to panic.

SCOOTER: Like to a part maybe? On the East Side? My friend Greg's house--
BRIAN: You went to a party?
TOMMY: I might have stopped by.
SCOOTER: For about three hours.
MRS. BROWN: Ooohh, someone's going to be in the doghouse.
DWIGHT: Mother!
CHRISTOPHER: I know Greg. I didn't think he threw parties though. I thought he just threw--
SCOOTER: Riotous orgies.

This caused Tommy to get up and leave. I looked at Scooter, who mouthed the words 'You're welcome' to me. Brian just looked shocked.

ME: Maybe we should start putting stuff away, huh?
GARY: I'll help with the dishes.
TURNER: Me, too.

I started bringing stuff into the kitchen. Everybody got up to help except Brian. He just sat where he was. I went up to him and put my hands on his shoulders.

ME: I'm sure it's not like it sounds.
BRIAN: Yeah, right.
ME: I know this won't help, but--
BRIAN: Kevin--
ME: I know sometimes I'm judgmental and unforgiving, but I'm also good at offering olive branches when I know I've been a dick. And as for the other stuff, I'm working on it...I promise. I don't want to lose you guys because of stuff like that. I don't want to lose you guys at all. I already lost some people that were really close to me because none of us could make our friendships more important that our mistakes.
BRIAN: So?
ME: So what?
BRIAN: So you know it won't help, but?
ME: Oh...But...Do you want to do a Big Chill homage?

From the kitchen, Scooter appeared.

SCOOTER: Dude, I love Jeff Bridges in that.
ME: Not Big Lebowski, Chachi. The Big Chill.
SCOOTER: Huh?

Now I know you wanna leave me
But I refuse to let you go
If I have to beg to plead for your sympathy
I don't mind, cause you mean that much to me

Ain't too proud to beg...

We were all tidying up the kitchen, throwing left-overs in tupperware, and dancing around like idiots--even Mrs. Brown.

ME: Please don't leave me girl.
TURNER: Ain't too proud to ple-ead--
ALL: Baby baby!
GARY: Please don't leave me girl.
ALL: Don't you go.

Nick and I volunteered to go take out the garbage.

NICK: All in all, not a disastrous dinner party after all.
ME: Yeah, it was okay.
NICK: Except for the part where Christopher tried to get in your pants.
ME: You knew about that?
NICK: I'm not stupid, Kevin.
ME: Nick, I'm--
NICK: I know you turned him down. He's been sulking all night, so I figured he didn't get what he wanted.
ME: He's a wacko.
NICK: Yeah, he is. Unfortunately, he's also a good friend of mine that I had hoped could be more.
ME: I know how you feel.
NICK: I guess sometimes you need to leave people where they are.
ME: So you're not going to put up a fight about it?
NICK: No, no, no. I'm just going to drop him off a mile from his house and make him walk the rest of the way.
ME: Very mature.
NICK: I think so.

This was around the time we all started saying our good-byes.

TURNER: Mrs. Brown, you have a beautiful home.
GARY: And a great son.
MRS. BROWN: Boys, this was fantastic. I'm so glad my fiancee had to pass a kidney stone.
DWIGHT: Mom.
TURNER: I bet you haven't had dinner with a roomful of gay men in awhile.
MRS. BROWN: Turner, don't be silly. I do brunch every Sunday at L'Rue.

I almost expected Turner to give me the silent treatment again, so I decided to beat him to the punch. I grabbed Gary and gave him a big hug, then I did the same to Turner, and said--

ME: I think you're both idiots, but this is one of the few times when I hope I get proven wrong.
GARY: I'll take that.
TURNER: Yeah, I will to.

Scooter was the next to leave.

SCOOTER: Text me later if you want to meet up.
ME: I'd rather give myself a colonoscopy.
SCOOTER: Why? I can do it for you.
ME: You've already saved my ass once tonight, Scooter.
SCOOTER: No need to thank me for it. I like being the only guy who knows all your secrets.
ME: Please, you don't know half of them.
SCOOTER: I know what the Ashton Kutcher is.
ME: You do not.

He leaned over and whispered it in my ear.

ME: Who told you?
SCOOTER: You aren't the only one Christopher cornered in the bathroom.
ME: Oh Christ...

Nick and Christopher left next, then Brian. Tommy had called a friend to come get him and apparently he wanted some "time to himself."

That left me and Travis.

TRAVIS: You certainly have made quite a life for yourself, Mr. Broccoli.
ME: Surrounded by craziness, and gays, and drama--
TRAVIS: Friends. You got yourself an interesting new group of friends.
ME: Well, I had to. You need them.
TRAVIS: I have to admit, I never really trusted guys again after what happened with you and Allan and Teddy. I thought it wouldn't be wise to get that close to people again.
ME: You should try. In the words of whoever used to write songs for Whitney Houston, the ride is worth the fall, my friend.

He leaned over and kissed me. It was like he was kissing the 18-year-old me again. The naive, uncorrupted, optimistic me.

TRAVIS: Don't be a stranger.
ME: Anything but.

After Travis left, I went back into the kitchen to finish up the clean-up.

FRIEND: Another f**king party I'm not invited to.
ME: Please, that was all the insanity I could handle.
FRIEND: The only reason to put that many gays in a room together is for a circle jerk or a viewing of Shortbus.
ME: You never knew me when I was 18--it's kind of a shame. I was sort of a good guy.
FRIEND: And now you're sort of a great guy.
ME: You don't think I'm--
FRIEND: Oh honey, you're a hypocritical bitch some of the time, but I love you anyway. You're the guy I would call after I had run over a hooker and kept driving.
ME: I'm pretty sure I've got that voicemail saved.
FRIEND: And that Allan--Whew! I'm glad he's not around again. I got a little on me after that monologue of his. Did he put a cigarette out in your eye after he was done saying it? Cause I felt a burning sensation. That might have been the--
ME: He was just a guy who saw the worst of the gay community.
FRIEND: Please, if he ain't been to Miami Beach the morning after a circuit party he ain't seen the worst of shit--Oookay?

Dwight was sitting at the kitchen table by himself--smiling.

ME: I'm assuming you're smiling because your Mom's gone to bed?
DWIGHT: That...and I had a very nice time tonight.
ME: Are you kidding me?
DWIGHT: Kevin, do you know many nights I've spent in this house by myself? Tonight was nothing short of a blessing.
ME: Wow, I don't hear that word used often. 'Blessing.'
DWIGHT: When you've got a house full of people, and food on the table--there's no other word for it.

He cut me a piece of the cheesecake he was eating, and we both sat there and chatted--just like The Golden Girls....

Someone cue "Thank You For Being a Friend."