Hey Sam

(This was a message I got from someone who used to be in the 100 Dates group on Facebook. I hope he doesn't mind me reprinting it, but I thought it was important to at least put it and my response to it out there since there might be other people who feel the same way.)

hey kevin, thanks for inviting me back to the 100 dates group. i actually got out of the group cause i'm a christian and was reading the bible the other day and came across a bit where paul was saying not to give approval to sin, and i do think homosexuality's sinful, and i figured my being in a group that was all about gay dating was probably giving at least a bit of approval to it, ya know? it was a tough call, cause i do really really enjoy your blog, and i think you're a wonderful writer / storyteller. anyway if you're not too pissed at me to answer after a msg like this, i am curious about what you think about all this, cause you do mention god / religion now and then, and you had that one entry where you went to a website for people who wanna stop being gay. ok, hope i'm not being too offensive. later.

sam

Hey Sam,

I was going to mention that at some point since looking at your profile I could see that you seem to be very religious. I guess I can only make the same arguments everyone else makes--that there are a lot of things in the Bible that aren't meant to be taken literally--or more honestly, that there are a lot of laws and rules in the Bible that we just don't follow anymore because we live in a different time where different social laws apply. I think everyone has a right to believe in what they want even if they don't agree with what I agree with--I went to a Catholic school and all of my religion teachers there--keep in mind this was while I was going through major denial about my sexuality--encouraged tolerance and understanding. They mentioned that--even if you believe homosexuality is a sin--sexual crimes are considered the lowest kind of crimes, and that they're in no way unforgiveable. I DO believe that homophobia and the push to make homosexuals unacceptable in today's society has a lot more to do with politics than religion, or maybe the two go hand in hand, I don't pretend to be smart enough to make that kind of a call. I do know that the same people who are against homosexuality and gay marriage now are the same people who were against integrating schools thirty years ago. I believe they're the same people who were responsible anti-semitism before and after that. I think homophobia is just more socially acceptable now than flat out racism or anti-semitism, or any other kind of prejudice. That doesn't mean I think you're racist or anti-semitic; I'm speaking more generally about the people I see on tv or in the news being very vocal about how homophobic they are and why they think that's acceptable. Occasionally I get frustrated with the gay community, but I've never wished to be anything other than gay. I believe in a God that loves everybody for who they are, and if you happen to screw up here and there, that God will forgive you for it, even though I don't consider being with someone who truly loves you and makes you happy a screw up of any kind.

Anyway Sam, I do hope you'll reconsider coming back to the blog, only because one of the reasons I write it is to chronicle my own personal search for love, and I don't think that's a journey that's unrelatable to anyone. It's not about being gay or gay dating; it's more about dating in general--all the straight friends I have seem to have a lot of the same experiences or problems I do. It's about being a person who wonders from time to time if the right person is out there. I think everyone is entitled to love in whatever way they want it and with whomever they want to share it with.

Let me just say that I appreciate the way you phrased what you had to say, and I think it takes a lot of guts to be religious or have any kind of faith and stick to it nowadays. I just hope that doesn't prevent anyone from realizing that it'll be easier at the end of your life to say that you tried to love and understand everybody equally rather than saying you chose this group over that group. At the end of my life I'd rather just say I loved everybody, and I feel that'll be okay with whoever it is I'm going to meet then.

- Kevin -